Big Brother - Season 9, Episode 20 Recap (AKA My Worst Episode Ever)

Here we go with the night I’ve been dreading all week – the probably departure of my girl Chelsia. I’ve been down in the dumps all day, and I almost considered not putting together my usual 80,000 word commentary.

But here I am, mainly because Natalie says tonight’s show includes the “most important HOH ever!” Well, it’s important until next week’s crucial contest.

After the recap, and Julie’s recap of the recap, we kick things off, as usual, with the aftermath of the POV meeting. Chelsia is angry that “Adam has no backbone, and he’s just doing the dirty work for Natalie”. (I don’t really agree with that assessment, but whatever.)

Josh, meanwhile, gloats over his move to convince his partner to put herself up. Sharon’s not concerned. “I knew the risk was very minimal, having her on the block with me. Right now, I’m pretty sure that I have the majority of the house.”

Back to my girl Chelsia, who talks of her bond with James. “(He’s) been the only person that I can trust in this game.” James tries to cheer her up, but she’s sad because “I came here to play a game, and that’s not what I did”. In her diary room interview, she admits that developing feelings for James screwed up her game. I wish I could hug her instead of that pink-haired cretin.

So we move to a later moment, and Natalie’s voice and actions are driving Chelsia crazy (along with the rest of America). “All-timer’s disease”? “Old-hymers”? “I cannot stand Natalie, and every little thing she does sends me over.” You can see the steam rise from Chelsia as Natalie constantly babbles while painting Easter eggs. “If I’m going to go out of this house, I’m going out with a band”, Chelsia promises.

Ok, so they’re messing with the timeline here a bit, but suddenly Chelsia grabs an Easter egg and smashes it. Josh and James smile, as she smashes a couple more. “Come on, Natalie, have some fun”, she says sarcastically. Natalie’s pissed. “If I acted that way, my family would have absolutely nothing to do with me.”

James tries to get Chelsia to go to bed, but instead she smashes the rest of the bowl of eggs. Sheila’s also pissed, and Natalie adds “God, I hope you’re watching this”.

“Oh, this is the Beaver State egg”, Chelsia laughs as she smashes Natalie’s pride and joy. “She picks on me because I’m her biggest threat”, whispers Natalie to herself. Sharon, meanwhile, does what she does best – lies in bed and reads the Bible.

Oh God, this is getting good. “Natalie is the artist of the group. Natalie, I need your puzzle skills! Natalie! You white trash!” Natalie continues to whisper to herself. After the rampage is over, James asks her why she’s doing this. “Don’t look at me like I’m crazy”, she answers. James says she’s voting against her.

After the commercials, we join the contestants. Julie’s first question goes to Baller. “What would you prefer – a little jar of strained peas or a little jar of puree pears?” Silly Adam doesn’t understand the baby food question. Two more questions come out about this silly love.

Of course, she must ask about the return of Evel Dick. Sheila is asked if Evel Dick is her kind of guy. “He absolutely is!” Julie says that if he’s watching, Dick must be a happy man to hear this answer. I think otherwise.

Natalie is asked about Alex. Obviously, that’s not true. Julie can’t resist asking if Matty is still on her (feeble) mind. “I think about him every day. I miss his presence in this house every day.” Oh boy, she’s asked to count. Matt’s last name has eight letters? Sheesh.

Finally, we end with Sharon, who is asked who will take care of the “beebies” if she’s evicted. There’s no question that this role would have to pass on to the person closest in brain size – Natalie.

Before we head to the live vote, we get a profile of “Baller”. It’s about as senseless as you may imagine. “Big Baller in the house!” We do get to meet his family, and it’s the usual “he’s a kind and loving person” feature. What a polite boy – he actually carries groceries for his mom. Wait, mom says he has a bit of Rain Man in him? Bwahahahaha! Why don’t they ask him about his tendency to rub his balls and ass?

It’s almost eviction time, but before we get to that we have to chat with Baller. Julie starts off by asking about his relationship with Sheila. He admits what us live feed viewers knew the entire time – that he never had any intentions of putting her up. He just wanted to mess with her a little. “I just like getting a rise out of her sometimes.” Little more comes out of this conversation.

Ooooh, my girl gets a little feisty in her last opportunity to plead her case. “If it is my time to walk out those doors I’m happy because I did not change for any one of you. I did not become a materialist, vain person. I’m ok with that. If I walk out that door today, I still have my dignity because I did not breast feed off any one of you to stay in this house.” Poor James hides his eyes.

We know what happens here – everybody votes to evict my girl Chelsia. And she goes out with a bang! “I just want to give you some awesome insight into this game. Adam, get a backbone in this game. You’re playing like a baby. Sheila, you’ve been road hard and you will be put away wet. Natalie, educate yourself. You need one, honey. You’re in dire need of one. Josh, you’re crazy. I love you, baby.” She whispers in Josh and James’ ears as she finally walks out.

Sheila is overheard bitching (as she should) as Chelsia walks out to talk to Julie. “She’s just jealous.” Julie begins by asking what she whispered to Joshua. “He has a tendency to psyche himself out before competitions…he can do anything in this game.” To James, she says that she just told him “there’s a reason he’s still in this game”.

When asked about her tirades, Chelsia says she knew she was heading out and she had promised “to go out with a bang”. Julie wants to make an issue out of James not voting for her, but Chelsia says she’s for “anything to help him win the game”. Having said that, she says her biggest mistake was voting for James to come back.

We conclude with the goodbye speeches. Josh promises to go after Natalie and Adam, and Sharon hopes they will continue to be friends. Natalie says she’s “been praying for you, and will continue to pray for you”, which makes Chelsia laugh. James babbles on about how much he cares for her, and that he wants to pursue their relationship outside the house because “it’s worth more than $500,000 to be with you”. When asked if their relationship will continue, Chelsia says she wants to watch the season first. Smart move.

So we conclude with the HOH competition, and after Julie gives the same prepared speech she gives every week, we finally begin. It’s “Big Brother Election”, and the answers come from questions viewers answered on CBS.com. James and Sheila miss the first question, while Josh and Natalie take the lead on the second question. OMG, Natalie takes the lead on the third question, and looks headed to win. My nightmare may come true! And it does, so this will be my worst week ever.